SproutVine Growing Together
written by: Ann Margaret, Staff Writer @ SproutVine
“I’m just tryna make my way out to the concrete jungle, who walks with me? Trying to find connection in 2 thousand something, ain’t easy… Kissing strangers. till I find someone I love, till I find someone I trust …Open heart, open mind, never know who you’ll find… Open heart, close your eyes, kissing strangers…All misinformation open to interpretation, just keep searching…” [DNCE feat. Nicki Minaj]
That’s my theme song. Pretty much sums up what it’s like to date in 2018.
Here’s the twist … I’m 52. Divorced for about 10 years. Since my divorce I’ve had 2 relationships. Both lasting close to 5 years. They were younger than I was, and had pursued me.
Let’s back this up a bit.
When I was getting divorced, online dating was new and exciting; “the future”. Thanks to the internet and social media taking off, it was all the rage. For me it felt strange. It was like catalog shopping for a man. That’s not how I was use to meeting someone. “Back in the day” we would go to parties or to a bar. You saw someone you thought was cute and you talked to them. Face to face – in person!! Crazy right??
Where you could actually see if you had chemistry, how you felt being around them, conversation, mannerisms… If you were interested in them, you’d flirt, talk, dance, even kiss -* if you were that kind of girl. Then at the end of the night you’d give him your phone number. That’s how dating worked!
The 2 relationships I had after my divorce, I met them where I worked at the time. I didn’t go looking for it, it happened on its own. Talked at work, got to know each other. It was unexpected because they were younger, I pushed them away, turned them down, but they kept asking. One of them I even set up with my daughter, he wanted me not her. I gave in, both times. Funny thing is, men my age at the time, 40s, weren’t interested in me or women my age. So, I figured why not? I learned a lot from both relationships and about myself. I don’t regret either one and loved both deeply. Now 10 years later, online dating is the only way to meet someone.
What’s that you say?? The only way? Pretty much. Why?, you ask ..
Thanks to “social media” we have become antisocial!! People don’t know how to talk to other people in public!!! Go sit at a bar on a Friday or Saturday night. People will only really talk to the people they came with, or they’re glued to their phones or both!! It’s insane to watch! So now in order for me to actually meet a man. I have to download an app, look at photos, usually old photos they’ve posted, and read what they’ve said about themselves. Next is texting each other, that lasts easily a week. If you’re interested enough in them, then you make an “appointment” I mean, “a date” for coffee or a drink to see if you have chemistry, if they were telling the truth about how they look and what they said about themselves. I can tell if I have chemistry with a guy within 10 minutes. That’s a lot to go through to get to the part where after 10 minutes I see that we don’t have chemistry. I’ve wasted all that time and effort to get to that point only to be disappointed. Remember, you can be anybody you want to be online – true or not true. Tell me how this is better than before the internet? Dating apps are exhausting and ends up being like a second job. All those steps you have to go through before you even get to meet up? It’s exhausting, and the older I get the less patience I have!!
So now what? I wish I had a solution. I honestly think at some point the internet is going to impact society in such a negative way that there will be campaigns to put your phones away and talk to people face to face. Maybe that’s just what I hope for the future. It really is a great way to meet someone and doesn’t waste a lot of time. As for me … I’ve been single now for a few months, tried a few apps. Only lasted days on most of them. Did I mention I don’t have the patience for this? The good news is I have a date on Friday night and another one on Sunday. The bad news is, they have 10 minutes… 😉
